This privacy policy sets out how I use and protect any information that you give me when you use this website. I’ll set a timer to wake you up halfway through this page.
I’m committed to ensuring that your privacy is protected. Should I ask you to provide certain information by which you can be identified when using this website, then you can be assured that it will only be used in accordance with this privacy statement, which I hope you can get through without nodding off.
I may change this policy from time to time by updating this page. Probably not, but weirder things have happened. You should check this page from time to time to ensure that you are happy with any changes. You know, when you’re really really really bored and have absolutely nothing else to do.
Information I Collect
For each visitor to my website, my web server automatically recognizes the domain name and email address of the consumer (where possible). I hope you find that as scary as I do.
Anyway, I collect the email addresses of those who communicate with me via email or sign up for information offered on this website. That’s kinda the point of signing up in the first place.
I may collect the following information:
- Contact information, including email address.
- Demographic information.
Information You Provide to Me
It’s probably no surprise that I collect information that you provide to me. I keep it in a little glass jar by my bed and… well, no I don’t. That’s just silly. The amount and type of information collected depends on the context and how I use the information. Here are some examples:
Public Profile Information: If you have a Google account and are logged in when commenting on this website, I may collect the information that you provide for your public profile. For example, if you have a Google account, your name is part of that public profile, along with any other information you put into your public profile. Your public profile is just that—public—so please keep that in mind when deciding what information you’d like to include. So, please don’t send me your Social Security number.
Communications with Me: You may also provide me information when you sign up for my newsletter or ping me with a question. Just make it a good question, okay? Let’s not waste our time.
What I Do with the Information I Gather
I require this information to understand your needs and provide you with a better service (quit laughing, I’m serious!), and in particular for the following reasons:
- To send regular newsletters via email.
- To use the information to customize the website according to your interests.
You may unsubscribe from my email system by clicking the unsubscribe button at the bottom of the emails. - To boldly go where no one has gone before.
Location Information: I may determine the approximate location of your device from your IP address. Okay, if that earlier bit didn’t scare you a little, this probably does. I collect and use this information to, for example, calculate how many people visit my website from certain geographic regions. You know, both of you.
Information from Cookies and Other Technologies: A cookie (mmmm…cookies) is a string of information that a website stores on a visitor’s computer, and that the visitor’s browser provides to the website each time the visitor returns. Pixel tags (also called web beacons) are small blocks of code placed on websites and emails. This site uses cookies and other technologies like pixel tags to help identify and track visitors, and usage, as well as track and understand email campaign effectiveness and to deliver targeted ads.
DING!
<checks clock>
TIME TO WAKE UP! The Privacy Policy is about half over!
Sharing Information
How I Share Information
I do not sell or give away my users’ private personal information. Seriously, why would I? It’s private and personal, and that’s kinda what that means.
As Required by Law: I may disclose information about you in response to a subpoena, court order, or other governmental request. Because if I’m going to jail, baby, you’re all going down with me!
To Protect Rights and Property: I may disclose information about you when I believe in good faith that disclosure is reasonably necessary to protect the property or rights of me, third parties, or the public at large. For example, if I have a good faith belief that there is an imminent danger of death or serious physical injury, I may disclose information related to the emergency without delay. Especially if it’s an imminent danger of MY death or serious injury! I’m not stupid.
With Your Consent: I may share and disclose information with your consent or at your direction. For example, I may share your information with third parties that you authorize, such as the social media services that you connect to your site. I may, or I may not. You’ll never really know for sure, will you? Hmm?
Aggregated and De-Identified Information: I may share information that has been aggregated or reasonably de-identified, so that the information could not reasonably be used to identify you. For instance, I may publish aggregate statistics about the use of my website. I probably won’t, though, since I have no idea what “aggregate statistics” means.
Security
Although no online service is 100% secure, I work very hard to protect information about you against unauthorized access, use, alteration, or destruction, and take reasonable measures to do so. I spend hundreds of hours a week doing this, because… well, no, I don’t. That would be silly.
Choices
You have several choices available when it comes to information about you:
Limit the Information That You Provide: If you choose to comment or publicly interact with this website (and really, that’s half the fun of coming here, isn’t it?), you can choose not to login to an account, or limit what information you provide there (which email address, name, etc.). Please keep in mind that, if you do not provide this information, certain features of this website may not be accessible. Like the cool members-only afterparty where we… well, no. There is no afterparty. How would that even work?
Limit Access to Information on Your Mobile Device: Your mobile device operating system should provide you with the ability to discontinue my ability to collect stored information or location information via the mobile version of this website. If you do so, you may not be able to use certain features. Like that cool members-only— no, you’re not going to fall for that twice, are you?
Opt-Out of Electronic Communications: You may opt out of receiving promotional messages from me. Just follow the instructions in those messages, which I probably have hidden in really small type so that it’s too hard to do.
Set Your Browser to Reject Cookies: You can usually choose to set your browser to remove or reject browser cookies before using this website, with the drawback that certain features of this website may not function properly without the aid of cookies. You know, like that cool—oh, okay, fine! NO AFTERPARTY. Yes, yes, I get it… Aren’t you clever?
Other Things You Should Know
Transferring Information
By accessing or using the website or otherwise providing information to me, you consent to the processing, transfer, and storage of information in and to the U.S. and other countries, which may have rights and protections that are different from those in your home country. This is starting to sound like a new Bourne movie plotline. Take me to your leader, and all that…
Ads and Analytics Services Provided by Others
Ads appearing on my website may be delivered by advertising networks. Right now, if you’re seeing ads, something went wrong because I don’t have any ads on my site, except for links to my own books… which you should totally buy before midnight tomorrow! Hurry hurry hurry! Oh, where was I? Oh yeah…
Other parties may also provide analytics services via my websites. These ad networks and analytics providers may set tracking technologies (like cookies… mmm) to collect information about your use of this website and across other websites and online services. These technologies allow these third parties to recognize your device to compile information about you or others who use your device. This information allows me and other companies to, among other things*, analyze and track usage, determine the popularity of certain content, and deliver advertisements that may be more targeted to your interests. Please note this Privacy Policy only covers the collection of information by me, Linda M. Au, and does not cover the collection of information by any third party advertisers or analytics providers. But right now, this entire last part is moot because, as I said, no advertisers. Seriously, though, go buy my books, which are almost as entertaining as this Privacy Policy.
If you have further questions regarding this Privacy Policy, please contact me. Just for reading this far, I’ll give you a cookie. Not a real cookie. Don’t whine. I’m not sending anybody a real cookie.
I also use MailChimp to manage my email list. You can read about their privacy policy here and their cookie policy here.**
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*That “among other things” part covers a LOT of territory. Just sayin’.
**Their cookie policy is very different from my cookie policy.
linda@lindaau.com
Linda M. Au
PO Box 133
New Brighton, PA 15066-0133