Today I taught my parents…

This week on “Today I Taught My Parents,” we watch as Linda tries to walk her father through using the Wendy’s drive-thru. Over the phone. During a pandemic.

*****

The phone rings. It’s one of my parents, but I’m in the middle of a video-conference board meeting that’s going to last for three hours, so I let it go to voicemail. While I’m smiling and nodding at the webcam and trying to take notes on the meeting, I surreptitiously open my email program and zap an email off to my mom telling her why I didn’t answer the phone.

At the end of the meeting, I see an email from her, stating my dad has a question, and that he’ll call in the morning “after 10.” I reply and ask to push it back to noon, knowing I won’t be conscious before 10 or 10:30.

The next day, the phone rings at 11:55 a.m. My parents are nothing if not overly punctual.

Me: Hi, Dad. Whassup?
Dad: Hey, what do you know about the Wendy’s drive-thru?
Me: What do you mean, what do I know?
Dad: How does it work?

At this point it occurs to me that I’m not sure my parents have ever used a fast food drive-thru. Like, ever. Sure, they’ve had fast food, but my recollection is that they always park, always go inside, and always eat in the dining room. Like civilized people.

I, on the other hand, grab greasy drive-thru food and eat it in my car on the way home from the grocery store, where I’ve just purchased healthy produce and low-carb ingredients for the pantry. The irony of this is never lost on me.

Me: Well, the Wendy’s near you has two windows. You pay at the first one and…
Dad: Do they take debit cards?
Me: Yeah, of course.
Dad: How does that work?
Me: Well, you order at the big light-up menu first and then…
Dad: Do they take your card from you?
Me (now feeling slightly confused): Umm, yes…?
Dad: Like, they take the actual card?
Me: Yeah. You hand them the card through the window—the first window—and they swipe it and hand it back to you. Then…
Dad: They hand it back through the window?
Me: Umm, yes…?

At this point I’m starting to wonder if this is an elaborate prank. But then I remember this is my dad, and that he still carries filthy wads of cash in his wallet. On purpose.

Dad: And then?
Me: Then, when you get your card back, you drive to the second window to pick up your order.
Dad: Uh huh.

At this point I’m starting to wonder if he’s taking notes.

Me: Usually at Wendy’s, your receipt is in the bag with your order at the second window. At McDonald’s they give you the receipt when they hand back your debit card.
Dad (hesitating): Umm, okay. Thanks!
Me: Enjoy!

Yup, he’s taking notes. Or maybe he’s just worrying about whether to bring along some sanitizing wipes to wipe down the debit card when they hand it back. I’ve been doing this myself the past few weeks.

Meanwhile, I’m starting to realize how many times I must have used fast food drive-thru windows, if I know how each one handles your receipt.

In the days of a pandemic, when stepping through the door of any business now means mandatory face masks, even my parents see the appeal of drive-thru windows. And debit cards. And sanitizing wipes.

Stay safe out there, Dad.